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a girl in the world |
2002-05-01 |
i'm craving big greek olives followed up by goat cheese rolled in basil and chives on a wheat thin. don't ask. perhaps now is the time to tell y'all how boring boring boring today has been at work. i keep thinking about two days from now when i'll be driving EAST* out of the sunset and towards a group of women all converging on one spot. a weekend without children. without significant others. without distractions. i'm taking The Bean Trees and a swimsuit and my new black-black shades and some good sunscreen and no expectations. i'm just gonna ask the gods of melanoma to let me get at least a little sun on these yellow legs so that i can pretend that the rest of me is as dark as my arms, shoulders, and face. but, i'd like to avoid cancer, thanks. no cancer for me. i may try some sun in a bottle before we get to the water so i don't blind anyone with my fish-belly colored skin. we sat outside at lunch today and i came in red, but now i'm a deep copper. i can't stop my arms from tanning cause i wear tank tops so much. in the summer i always use sunscreen instead of lotion on my arms cause of this. but, they just get darker and darker and the covered part of my body gets lighter and lighter in contrast. when i moved to boston, i began to look slightly jewish (in the brookline kind of way) cause of this dark-dark hair and lightening skin. of course, the facial features scream latina, so i didn't fool anyone but myself. so, my body is a patchwork of color. much like Reina Aguero in Christina Garcia's The Aguero Sisters, though her patchwork body was a result of being struck by lightening... (funny, in a way, i was struck by 'lightening', too...) --i really shouldn't be so obsessed with my skin color, but i am. maybe it's cause i'm mixed. maybe it's cause i've learned how important color is in our society's many diverse communities. maybe it's cause i love dark skin. whatever the reason, add it to my hair obsession, which problem has its roots in the same place (i.e., my identity)-- hmm, i can't wait to slough off responsibility as the miles fall behind me and i get closer to myself via that rough, rocky north carolina coastline... [*why does everyone think WEST is so magical? i mean, can't we just drive EAST sometimes?]
you got something to say?
this is today's warm entry
playing: baduizm - erykah badu
reading: orange mango - nantucket nectar White Teeth
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