long survey via the shivers

2002-04-16

i see: dingy work pc, diet coke can, lil pic of me and exS.O., beth orton cd cover

I need: (globally) another vacation, (locally) an oil change, a fan, and a personal assistant

I find: that honesty can kick you in the ass.

I want: a new drug... or, a doctor who makes house calls so i don't have to miss work to take Javi for his shots.

I wish: i could go to hawaii in july to take care of katilena at the finish line, there are many others of less importance

I hate: condescension, people who like to be victims, martyrs, rudeness, ungratefulness, and bullshit.

I miss: Lil Mike, Kati, Georgia

I fear: unemployment, my court date

I feel: hyper, free

I hear: beth orton, the keys clicking, thebeths telephone ringing ringing ringing

I smell: Waterfall Mist

I crave: kisses, love

I search: to belong, anywhere, but mostly in my own skin

I wonder: when i will let go

I regret: placing my desire to Help over the sacredness of my family and my home

When was the last time you ...

Smiled?: a few mins ago on the phone with my lil sis who is jacked up on 750 mg of steroids and drank a 2 liter of coke for breakfast

Laughed?: i laughed so hard this morning i had tears in my eyes

Cried?: i can't remember, oh wait- I cried halfway through Monster's Ball

Bought something?: neosporin, calamine lotion, visine and chocolate pudding cups yesterday afternoon. then there's always the WIC check (milk, eggs, cheese)

Danced?: it's been too damn long; but i danced a little salsa at the beach

Were sarcastic?: when am i not?

Kissed someone?: yesterday morning, around 6:45am

Talked to an ex?: last monday

Watched your favorite movie?: hmm, i haven't seen crybaby since i watched it on tnt with kati, back in revere... so maybe a year and a half?

Had a nightmare?: i can't remember, but i've been having some crazy ass dreams

What was the ...

Last book you read?: "Fall on Your Knees" by Ann-Marie MacDonald and "God's Snake".

Last movie you saw?: Monster's Ball (not including this weekend's porn selection)

Last thing you had to drink?: diet coke

Last time you showered? this morning

Last thing you ate?: apple walnut scone

Do you...

Smoke?: not in two days... but when i do it's newport lights

Do drugs?: alcohol, weed every now and then, nothing else.

Have sex?: as much as possible

Sleep with stuffed animals?: nope, never have

Live in the moment?: i'm learning

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no

Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yes, revolves around a garden

Play an instrument?: i wish (hey, i should go list that above!)

Remember your first love?: too well

Still love him/her?: if i only knew

Read the newspaper?: when time, and my attention span, permit

Have any gay or lesbian friends?: who doesn't?

Believe in miracles?: my sister is a miracle (for those who get it, tell ash, she'll love it!).. but seriously, yes, i do

Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: no

Consider yourself tolerant of others?: too much at times

Consider love a mistake?: no

Like the taste of alcohol?: certain types

Have a favorite candy?: caramel

Believe in astrology?: yes

Believe in magic?: yes

Believe in God?: i believe in a Spirit

Pray?: when it suits me

Go to church?: no

Have any secret?: of course

Have any pets?: not since Georgia, bless her heart

Go to or been to college?: Oh yeah

Talk to strangers who instant message you?: nope

Wear hats?: no, i wind up look like gallagher

Have any piercings?: my mother had my ears pierced at a very young age. i don't wear jewelry of any kind (save some bangle bracelets every once in a while). i find jewelry too extraneous... like curtains. i don't need extra.

Have any tattoos?: no. see above.

Hate yourself?: only when i allow myself to be used/taken advantage of, and when i don't follow my instincts

Have an obsession?: too many

Collect anything?: books

Have a best friend?: one for each period of my life

Wish on stars?: i wish on eyelashes

Like your handwriting?: yes

Have any bad habits?: procrastination, speaking without thinking, expecting too much from people

Care about looks?: yes, but i've realized it's not as important as i thought it was

Believe in witches?: definitely

Believe in ghosts?: i've got proof of that one, so YES

you got something to say?

this is today's entry
playing:
reading: White Teeth

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