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as i mentioned in feeorin's guestbook a few days ago, i'm seriously debating the concept of toxic vs nourishing relationships. Gestalt therapist Fritz Perls first developed this idea in the sixties. Perls proposed that in all relationships people could be either toxic or nourishing towards one another. He wrote, "It is not necessarily true that the same person will be toxic or nourishing in every relationship, but the combination of any two people in a relationship produces toxic or nourishing consequences." There is a test: Spend time with a person. It doesn't matter what you do, but at the end of that time, observe whether you are more energized or less engerized, whether you are tired or exhilarated. If you are more tired then you have been poisoned. If you have more energy then you have been nourished. I like this idea. It explains a lot. My question is this: does a person's toxicity within a relationship fluctuate? does it go through phases? or is it 100% all the time the way that phermonal attraction is 100%? For example, person X and person Y are friends. they get along like family (minus the raucous fighting/verbal abuse). they feel completely safe with each other. fast forward 3 years. now, person X dreads the time spent with person Y for whatever reason. when person X comes away from person Y, X needs downtime/alone time/personal space to recoop. So, if the test is infallible (which Perls says it is), then is it not also presumptuous and relative? and, for people who are toxic versus nourishing, do they get nourished? i mean, while person X is drained, does person Y walk away energized? could it work that way? I have to wonder at the level of toxicity that exists in my relationships. with many of my friends, i think the toxicity balances the nourishment. i don't know that i get 100% from anyone - which might be why we're friends. however, i guess the real fascination is that i want to know how toxic i am to others. do i drain them? do i nourish them? i'm sure i drain/nourish some of them, so i really want to know who i'm draining (so that i can know if they are nourishing me or not) and vice versa. hmm, i like having these thoughts. especially on wednesday morning complete with cotton ball frizz head and hankering for macadamia nut cookies. be back to normal self very very soon!
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this is today's entry
playing:
reading: White Teeth
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