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have you ever noticed how quiet things are when you're alone? i forget what quiet sounds like. but now, in this empty office, the silence is so loud it's deafening. and the sound my fingers on these keys is almost vulgar. i think i spend too much time inside. and i don't spend enough time silent/in silence/alone. 'me' time. i have none of that. and in the car, as soon as i gather up the energy to go to it, will be filled with a rag-tag mix of hip hop, rap, pop alternative, folk, and latin rythyms, with npr interspersed between. maybe i'll get crazy and actually leave the stereo off. maybe i'll put the windows down, the moon roof back, and listen to the wind as i cut through back woods and small towns on my winding route home. i'm not making any promises, but in a religion course way back in my senior year of undergrad i realized that while i should strive for at least 25% consciousness, i really have none. not at all. i want to be alive, awake, aware of all the sights and smells and sounds around me. i don't know if i can do it, but i'll try. the music in my head is enough sometimes, though, to compel my finger to tuner buttons. "deity grant me the serenity..."
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this is today's entry
playing:
reading: White Teeth
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